If Police Stop you in your Car, these are your Rights

 

Americans spend a lot of time in their cars, so it’s not surprising the police pull over a lot of us—about 50,000 a day, and 20 million every year. If you’ve ever been pulled over (and based on those numbers, you probably have) you know how nerve-wracking the experience can be. Put simply, police have all the power in a traffic stop—or at least, they want you to believe they do. When a police officer asks if they can search your car, it’s hard to know what to do.

For most people, this will be an alarming request, implying the officer suspects you’re doing something illegal. On the one hand, there’s the old adage that if you have nothing to hide you should just comply—especially when so many police encounters turn ugly. On the other hand, your vehicle is your private property, and you have rights.

The time to think about this is now, when you’re calm and have access to information. Waiting until your adrenaline is sky high and any attempt to Google your options might be misinterpreted is a bad idea. Here’s what to say and do when an officer asks to search your vehicle.

 Be Polite

One of the most stressful aspects of a traffic stop is the power disparity, and while most police officers will conduct themselves professionally, it’s paramount that you do not escalate the encounter by being angry or insulting.

There are certain requests or commands you should absolutely, 100 percent comply with:

 

• Produce your license, insurance, and registration when requested.

 

• Obey specific commands. If the officer tells you to step out of the vehicle, do so. That’s pretty much it.

 There are also things the police can do without your permission:

 

• Visually examine the exterior of the vehicle and access databases to see if your car has been reported stolen or if the registered owner (presumably you) has any outstanding warrants.

 

• Visually examine the interior of the car—if something is in plain sight, the police don’t need further justification to proceed to a search and/or arrest. For example, if you have a gun sitting on the passenger seat of your car, the cops will be completely justified in searching your vehicle, even if you have all the proper paperwork for the weapon.

Anything else the officer might ask you or tell you to do falls into the gray area between your rights and their job.

The key thing to remember is that an officer’s job is not to exonerate you. In other words, police—even when they’re absolutely professional and doing their jobs the right way they are not your friends. Policing is a difficult, dangerous job, and making friends with people they pull over is not in their best interest. Which means allowing a search of your car upon request is not in your best interest.

 Know your Fourth Amendment Rights

The Fourth Amendment of the Constitution protects Americans from unlawful search and seizure, which means, in short, that the police can’t search your car without probable cause or your permission.

Cops have broad authority in most situations. Probable cause is a murky subject; while police can’t simply state they have a hunch or a gut feeling, it doesn’t take much to justify a search—if the officer states they smelled alcohol or another substance, that’s all they need. The first thing to know is this: If the officer is asking permission to search your car, they don’t have probable cause. If they did, they would already be searching your vehicle.

 The One Phrase to Remember

The second thing to know is that you have every right to deny that permission. Your car is your property, and without probable cause for a search you can simply say no to the request. The phrase “I do not consent to a search of my vehicle” should be all you need to know. If the officer believes they have good reason to search your car they can obtain a warrant, usually within minutes over the phone.

So why do police ask if they can search your car? It’s the same reason they will ask if you know why they pulled you over, or if you’ve been drinking, or (my favorite) if there’s any other reason you might be in trouble: They’re fishing. They’re hoping you incriminate yourself. Because their job is not to exonerate you or prove your innocence, their job is to catch people who have committed crimes. They want to search your car to see if there’s a crime to charge you with.

In other words, consenting to a search of your car is never in your best interest—whether you have a body in the trunk or you’ve never broken a law in your life. Be polite, but state firmly that you do not consent. You don’t need to offer a reason—if the officer presses you, simply repeat that you don’t consent. If the officer conducts a search, anyway, do not resist. You’ll have a chance to file a complaint after the stop is over. (Author Unknow)

What is Grace?

 

The power of one word could change history; if not world history, at least your own. 

To me, this speaks volumes about how people could better their lives by one five-character word, Grace. This single word could stop a war instead of starting one, could soften the heart of a parent of a gay child, could stop a family feud before members are no longer around to make amends. 

What have you done today to share grace with others?

Many years ago, I found the following on a bottle of shampoo and shower gel distributed by philosophy®. 

Grace

Life is a classroom; we are both student and teacher. Each day is a test. And each day we receive a passing or failing grade in one particular subject: Grace. 

Grace is compassion, gratitude, surrender, faith, forgiveness, good manners, reverence, and the list goes on. It's something money can't buy, and credentials rarely produce.

Being the smartest, the prettiest, the most talented, the richest, or even the poorest, can't help. Being a humble person can and being a helpful person can guide you through your days with grace and gratitude. 

Where has all the Democracy Gone?

 

On June 14^th, 2025, I attended the No Kings Protest. My first protest ever! A year ago, I still believed that democracy existed. What I’ve seen in the past five months has rocked me to my core.

People with years and years of experience in the Federal Government, are no longer in their positions because of their skin color or being female. The present administration felt that if it weren’t for the DEI initiatives, they wouldn’t have qualified for the positions they held. One example. Linda L. Fagan was the first woman in American history to lead a military service, the Coast Guard. Her various positions she held from 1985 to 2025 more than qualified her to be Commandant of the Coast Guard. She was relieved of command upon the inauguration of President Trump.

Many programs that are needed to help the American people could also be eliminated. More than 13 million adults and children could lose Medicaid. The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) is also being cut in the Big Beautiful Bill that Trump wants passed.

My mother was an Army Captain during World War II. She was one of five anesthetists assigned to the 34th Evacuation Hospital. From July 1944 to May 1945, the 34^th followed troop participation in Normandy, Northern France, Rhineland and Central Europe. She joined the military to keep the United States people safe from evil dictators.

There have been many wars the United States has participated in over the years to keep democracy alive throughout the world. It would be heartbreaking if all those battles were for naught.

Go to protests, write your Congressmen and Senators, write postcards, talk to your neighbors. Let your voice be heard. Let’s not have future historians discuss the death of democracy in 2025.

Courage

 

You will not go through this alone.

When the winds blow hard,

And the waves crash down,

Know that your hand is in mine.

My heart is carefully wrapped around yours.

You will not fail. You will not fall.

And if you stumble,

My arms will catch you.

My strength will hold you up until

You have recovered your own.

If the roads seem impassible,

And the rains blind your way,

Turn and look into my eyes.

You will find unfathomable love,

Joyous faith, immovable confidence,

All for you. You may take them as your own.

There will be trying times where you may want to quite.

They will come...they will pass.

Remember, you will not be conquered by this.

The shadows shall have no victory.

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are brave.

And you are not alone.

I cannot fight this battle for you.

But I can fight it with you.

We are in this together, you and I.

You are a warrior.

You are a conqueror.

Courage.

(Author Unknown)

What Kind of Closet is That?

 

If asked what my dream house would look like, one of the very basic requirements would be a huge walk-in closet. I love to organize, and I like every piece of clothing, purses, scarves and shoes to have their very own cubbies.

My last house in Virginia had such a closet. It had space for hanging clothes, shelves, a storage area, and next to that more space for hanging clothes. It was in that area that I turned into a small private office. That was some closet! I loved hanging out there. What privacy and solitude I experienced.

Up to that point in my life, I thought of closets as places to store things in and not a place to come out of. But come out I did, because at age 49, I realized I was gay and had been my entire life. It was a real shock to me since I had been dating since I was 19. Plus, I had two ex-husbands and was married at the time to future ex-husband number three.

Let me tell you, coming out in Northern Virginia was quite an experience. I had people tell me it was a phase that I would soon tire of and that I was acting out to get attention. And the way they described my coming out was, “Sharon? She changed horses in mid-stream.” or “Sharon’s going through a mid-life crisis, probably due to menopause.” Oh please! 

 The reason I came out was because I finally met a person who treated me as the wonderful, loving, funny, attractive, creative creature that I was. She didn’t try to mold me into someone I wasn’t, and she understood what made me tick. 

The men in my life were always demanding me to be someone I wasn’t. To them I wasn’t thin enough, attractive enough, well-educated enough and so forth. Also, I did not have breasts to their liking. All I ever wanted from a man was to be appreciated for who I was, and not for what they wanted me to be.

During my years married, I read a lot of romantic novels to keep me content and in my place. The plot line was always the same - the heroine would find a man who immensely annoyed her, but due to a maze of inspired-by-evil events, he rescues her. At the end of the story, he becomes her prince charming, and they live happily ever after. 

Unfortunately, in real life, as we all know, it isn’t that simple. The problem was I couldn’t be someone I wasn’t and never could be. Once I had that epiphany, my life changed for the better.

Being a Lesbian at any age isn’t easy nor is it without its trauma-filled moments. Try getting a divorce from a white male, and a Republican to boot in a Southern State. A big oops! One finds out very quickly who really are the open-minded liberals and the ones who pretend to be….and never were.

 Another one of life’s lessons learned: you fill up your closet with lots of stuff so one can hide from the world about who you really are. It gets so crowded in there that you need to come out, just to be able to breathe and be your true self.

Note: I came out in 2003 and in 2004 married my person. This December it will be 19 years!

 

Me & the Horizontal Slide

 

In July of 2021, I was in Albany, New York looking for a house to buy. My real estate agent knew I was not familiar with the area. She said “New York drivers (NYDs) are very aggressive. And the only way not to be involved in a car accident is to be aggressive back.”

What did I get myself into? I found out that NYDs have an intense desire to drive recklessly. They are insane. It’s like they are all driving without having their first cup of coffee causing them to be very angry and taking it out on out-of-state drivers. Which would be me.

My car had an New Hampshire license plate, because that is where I lived at the time, that said, “Live Free or Die.” Well, NYDs took those words very seriously and were ruthless with me.

"Threading the needle" is when a driver weaves in and around cars. Well, NYDs do that daily. Did I mention NYDs are crazy?

Well, I found another evasive form of driving that seems to be popular with NYDs. I decided to call it the “Horizontal Slide.” This is the act of changing lanes by just sliding over. It’s amazing to witness it. Unfortunately, not a fun experience if you are in the way of a slider. Which I was.

I was driving on I-787 when my agent gasped loudly. I saw a car sliding over to our lane (toward the passenger side of the car).

As I am doing some serious defensive moves to try not to get us killed, I’m thinking, “Wow! This is going to really hurt a lot.” Not a single image of my life passed before my eyes, which really says a lot about my life.

Thankfully, the car to my immediate left backed off so that I could move into its lane and not slide directly into it. I lived, only to experience crazier NYDs later that day.

As Taylor Swift would say, “Welcome to New York.” Yup!!!

Me & Saving the Day

Since I’ve moved to Albany in October, I have noticed that the people have been wonderful, helpful and kind to me. Of course, they would be – if you saw a woman standing in the street waving you down (happened in  “Me & Getting Lost - Chapter 1”).

The other thing I’ve noticed is there have been four car accidents on our little block of ten houses since October. Our young neighbors, who have lived here for two years, don’t understand why all of a sudden there are multiple accidents. Well…things seem to happen when we are around. Think of us as a potential sitcom called the “Black Cloud.” It always seems to be hanging around us.

So last Saturday, I was out in the front yard, doing some gardening and had just stepped into the house when I heard that familiar sound of two cars slamming into one another. I turned around saw one car touching a tree on our grassy boulevard. I couldn’t see the other at that point.

I dialed “911” on our landline (yes, I’m one of those people). I explained there had been a car accident and gave the street location. I was asked questions that I couldn’t answer. How many cars, how many people involved and were any of them hurt? I explained about the sound one hears when two cars slam into one another. The 911 operator thanked me for calling and that help was on the way.

I walked over to the other side of our boulevard to let people know that 911 had been called. I saw two people dressed like they were going to an event. They were. They were headed to the nearby Temple to attend a bar mitzvah. Their car was totaled and as you might expect, the airbags had deployed.

There were a number of people at the site, and I thought some of them were involved in the accident. No, they were neighbors like me, coming to help. One brought water and folding chairs for the people in the accident to sit on.

Come to find out, the two people in the car that was resting on the tree, were still in the car. I never saw them in all the excitement. At one point, I did see a stretcher near the passenger side.

One of the neighbors whom I recently met (Sarah), was standing with the couple and was very upset. I found out she had been stopped at the stop sign when Sam and Martha’s car was hit. Their car swung around and missed Sarah’s car by mere inches.

Sam & Martha had driven up from Long Island to attend the bar mitzvah. They now had no car and were stranded. I volunteered to take them to the Temple, but the service was almost over. They now needed a car to get to their hotel and then head back to Long Island the next day.

Sam was talking to the insurance company’s customer service rep about getting a rental car from Enterprise (the insurance company had a contract with). In the meantime, one of my neighbors was moving their belongings into my car. We found that the Enterprise located downtown was going to close at noon, it was now 11:40. Off we go.

Martha had Waze and was guiding me downtown. I was following her instructions and we were doing great until I missed the street we were supposed to turn on. I turned around in someone’s driveway.

Things got crazy. I ended up by my nemesis “The Egg” and I knew I was truly lost (see previous posting “Me & Getting Lost”). I made another turn, and the road was blocked off by the police for some type of an event, I made another turn and ended up crossing the Hudson River to Rensselaer. Don’t ask.

Sam called Enterprise to let them know we were on our way but had ended up on the wrong side of the river. At this point, the Enterprise Customer Rep checked and said he didn’t have a car registered in Sam’s name. The only other option was to go to the Albany Airport where another Enterprise was located.

Okay folks, here’s where it got really dicey. I knew how to get to the Albany Airport from my house. I have PTSD from my various failed trips into the City of Albany. So off we go, passing the intersection where the accident occurred and where my house was.

We made it to the Airport. Only to find that Enterprise doesn’t handle insurance-related rental cars and even if they did, all their cars were rented out for the next three days. Yikes.

Sam went off to talk to Budget Rental. They too don’t deal with the insurance-related rentals. At this point, it didn’t matter, they needed a car to get back home to Long Island.

One thing Martha kept saying was how kind I was to help them out. Why wouldn’t I? I would like to think if I were in a situation like theirs, someone would do the same to help me.

I’m grateful that I live in the neighborhood that I do. A number of people came to their aid which is the way it should be. People helping one another, being kind to each other. In today’s world we need so much more of that kindness.