More Fast Eddie Adventures!

This positing was written in December, 2008. Eddie had just turned two the past October and was still very much a puppy. Five years later he still has not graduated out of Puppy 101. Eddie is a goof ball and that is quite obvious when you meet him. There are many more stories about him coming up that will make you smile and laugh. This October he will turn eight, in his early years, I never thought he would live past the age of five because of all the things he ate. But thankfully, he has a cast-iron tummy!

                             *****************************************

Of Fast Eddie’s nine emergency visits so far, three have been related to cuts to his paws while running off leash at the Old Hospital Grounds here in Northampton. The first one was rather minor he cut himself running on an icy path. I had no idea that dogs can get injured on ice obviously I haven’t had any Iditarod experience with dogs in icy conditions. That incident resulted in a couple of stitches and no park visits for a week.

The next one was a little bit more serious. Eddie was running around at the park and went into the woods where he sliced open the toe pad of his paw. With several stitches and orders to keep him from jumping or running around for two weeks, we went home. The vet’s concern was if this didn’t heal properly, his toe pad might have to be removed. We knew we couldn’t keep him from not being a Mexican jumping bean, but we did try. With that said, several days later he leaped off of the three-foot high retaining wall in our backyard and split open the stitches. In spite of his dare devil leap, his toe pad finally healed but it is now a very odd shape. Well, there goes the idea of using Eddie as a paw model to pay off his vet expenses!

The most expensive incident so far, again at the park, and with only seconds to go before getting Eddie back into the car, he ran off into the woods and came out limbing and bleeding heavily. Poor Mary brought him home and just wanted to wash all the blood off of him. I took one look and knew that he had cut tendons. We quickly headed up (on a Sunday morning, no less) to the Veterinary Emergency & Specialty Hospital in South Deerfield near Yankee Candle.

The vet, Dr. L. knew Fast Eddie from previous park experiences. She knew Mary’s ex-partner and when she found Eddie running around the park one day with no adult supervision, she called her to get Mary's number. At the time, Mary was madly searching for the elusive Eddie at the park. Dr. L. also knew of some of Eddie’s previous exploits with the snake and the mouse (that will be explained in a future posting).

Well, the diagnosis was that his tendon had been cut, probably from a broken bottle of which many litter the woods. Thank you, you moonlight booze-hounds for throwing your bottles around and leaving dangerous broken glass that can injure humans and animals! He had minor surgery with internal and external stitches needed to repair the damage. They wrapped him in a huge cast-like bandage with splints to protect his limb. Dr. L. cleverly created a pumpkin “iron-on patch” for the bandage since it was so close to Halloween.

We were told he had to wear a cone (Elizabethan collar) for his entire recovery period of four weeks or more, and he would need to get the bandage changed on a weekly basis with our local vet. And thus began the tug of war with his bandage. Eddie and Chancey (our third dog) love to play tug of war, but this was the first time Eddie could do it all by himself.

 He didn't like the cone so we didn't make it a priority for him to wear it. Big mistake on our part. So he just kept pulling and chewing on his bandage which resulted in a total of eight bandages! Oh, did I mention that at some point he broke the splints and had to get them replaced too. Isn’t he special!

The idea that one could keep Eddie from doing something he‘s not supposed to do is rather humorous. That boy lives to chew and destroy. It’s his mission in life…one he does quite well.

Eddie is still recovering even though the splints and bandages are now off. He still favors the leg and when outside hops around on three legs. Once he’s fully recovered he will return to his daily walks at the park which really turn out to be flat out sprints. 

Another Day..and the Saga Continues

This posting was originally written and posted in January 2009. I wrote this when Mary's friend, was temporary camping out with us until her new condo became available. Her dog, Tyler, and her African Gray Parrot, Justice, were staying with us as well.

                            *********************************************

At this moment in our lives, we have three women, four dogs, and a handicapped African Gray Parrot living in 1,197 square feet of house. And, it is working out much better than the three of us had ever hoped for. But, there are days when it is a freaking zoo around here!

Take yesterday for example. I was taking a break after getting home from my Saturday job. Two of the dogs started barking because they heard something out on the road. I look out and it is the furniture delivery truck arriving 2 ½ hours sooner than we had expected!

Thankfully, Mary and Lisa had spent time in the basement that morning re-arranging all of Lisa's boxes so there was a cleared area. But, we had planned for the delivery to go through our outside cellar doors and we hadn’t cleared off the snow. Lisa went out in her house slippers and cleared it off while the truck was backing into our driveway. With Mary’s help, they both moved garbage cans and shoveled a walkway from our driveway to the cellar doors. This is with four dogs loudly barking and running back and forth wanting to go outside and poor me wishing for ear plugs and trying to calm them all down.

Fast forward - the furniture has made it to the basement with only minor drama. But now someone is knocking on the kitchen door and the dogs go berserk, again! I squeezed past four dogs to see who it was. It was the delivery driver wanting me to sign paperwork. I explained to him that one of our dogs doesn’t like strangers and that was why I was making every effort to keep her from them.

In the meanwhile, I couldn’t figure out where Mary and Lisa were, but I went ahead and signed the paperwork. As the driver headed toward his truck, I asked him if Mary had given him his tip. He said “No” just as Mary barreled around the corner of the house. She’s yelling, “You locked the basement door and we couldn’t come up through the house!” So I ran back into the house trying to keep the dogs from pushing their way out and I unlocked the basement door. I find Lisa standing on the steps saying “there is a missing table leaf,” while I am handing her the signed paperwork! She squeezes through the mass of fur and goes out to talk to the driver.

It was decided that the driver needed to come in to the house to look at the table in the basement. But thanks to my earlier statement about Chloe, he didn’t want to. So, I had to get a collar on Chloe, walk her to the other end of our house, and hang out in the study with her. She wasn’t a happy camper, but with lots of encouragement and a few dog treats, we made it through this latest hurdle. Come to find out, the table only has one leaf, so all is right in furniture land.

So this is my life right now: four dogs barking, one handicapped parrot talking a mile a minute, and three women all living under the same roof. Life is good.

Until the next time...

My Red Cowboy Boots

Years ago, I would never have imaged a woman as my soul mate, nor would I have imagined being ruled by three dogs, and definitely not the owner of red cowboy boots. I was raised in Nebraska but in the city of Lincoln, cowboy boots were not normal apparel.

A couple of years ago, I was reading a book, cannot remember the title and the main character, a woman, had wanted red cowboy boots before she was sixty. How interesting. I thought that’s cool and added them onto my “bucket list of what I want in my lifetime.”

Well, in November of 2012, they came into my life during “Bag Day.” It is a yearly shopping event held in Northampton and you can get a 20% discount at any of the stores listed on the bag. I’m the type of woman who salivates when she hears the word “sale.” So I’m walking around and end up at Strada Shoes. Oops! They carry expensive brands of shoes and boots which are well worth the investment. Over the years, I have made several purchases from them and have never regretted the cost since the quality of the brands they carry is excellent. Guess what? They had the most beautiful pair of red cowboy boots. Here’s the clincher they had them in my size and I could use the 20% Bag Day offer. Sold!!!

They became the most comfortable foot covering I’ve had in years. A month later, for my birthday present, Mary purchased the tan version!  Next came the brown suede, on sale of course. Then there are the wild black zipper studded ones, on sale at Kohl’s for $28. Latest purchase a pair of burgundy ankle boots on sale, of course!  Boot collection is now up to seven! Running out of room in my closet, so one pair is now residing in the living room coat closet.

I had an errand to do yesterday and I stopped at Faces (a store which a friend of Mary’s describes as “Pier 1 on Crack”), “to browse”.  I found, and purchased, a cute little sign that is now proudly displayed on my office desk.
                                                                                                                              

GIVE A GIRL

THE RIGHT BOOTS

AND SHE CAN

CONQUER THE WORLD 

Amen, sister! 

Flash back Friday's entry is about three women, four dogs, one handicapped African Gray Parrot living in 1,097 square foot house. What can I say?

Until then, cheers!

Mary said “Yes”

So for all of you who read my Valentine’s Day posting, you know what “yes” means. For those of you who have not, go read it!

The two of us are excited about having this ceremony that will honor our ten years of being legally married in the state of Massachusetts. Plus, it is a great reason to have a “kick-ass party!” which is really what this is all about.

Wedding outfits - do we tell each other what we are wearing before the ceremony? Mary says it’s “too hetero,” her new term for not following the traditional marriage ceremonial rights. That maintaining the tradition of what dress the bride will wear as a secret would be difficult especially since there are two brides. She does have a point. Our house is small and hiding our outfits would be difficult. Plus, my keeping what I’m wearing a secret is going to be extremely difficult. When I find the right dress, I’m going to want to tell everyone!

Party favors - when I mentioned a glass mug (design: small mason jar with glass handle), with our names and the date of the service, Mary just rolled her eyes and shook her head! Not a positive response. I looked into it; great idea, but very pricey. I could get plastic cups and write our names and the date on them instead!

Music - we have a number of friends who are talented and might want to participate in the music portion of our “kick-ass party”. Mary is thinking “boom box.”

Food – we have agreed that it will be catered. When Mary mentioned making a couple of dishes as well, I gave her that “oh you are not” look. We have agreed that this portion of the venue is her “thing” as long as she orders out, so I have agreed to stay out of the food planning.

Decorations – my department. The church will still be beautifully decorated from the holidays, so that is one less thing on the “to-do list” to have to think about. I will get to have the fun of decorating Kidder Hall where the “kick-ass party” will be held. And, I have already picked out the colors for the table linens.

Guest List – well after only 48 hours we have 128 names! I’ve already started a spreadsheet with the names and addresses. We are going to send out two waves of announcements. The first will be “save the date.” Mary checked on the Internet and found that piece should be sent out four to six months before the event. To be safe - I’m already telling people to mark it on their calendar! The second wave will be the “official invitation” and Mary knew that should be about six weeks before the ceremony.

So this is just the start, and we do have ten months and 12 days to make this all work. My concern is this enough time for me to find the “perfect dress” to wear to this shindig?

Mary's Very Special Valentine's Gift!

I don’t consider myself very romantic. I’m not one to surprise Mary with something unexpected until now…that part comes at the very end!  For several weeks, I’ve tried to come up with a gift to give her for Valentine’s Day 2014. This will be our 11^th Valentine’s Day together, and I wanted to do something special. Flowers, candy, stuffed bears holding little hearts, all possibilities but not what I was looking for. I wanted Mary to know how blessed I feel, every single day, that she is in my life.

So to the only woman who I will ever love…

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My Darling Mary,

Our first contact was in March of 2001, when I started working for your brother as his Office Manager for his consulting firm in Leesburg, Virginia. He named the various family members who would be calling him at the office. When he came to you, he described you as “my gay sister, Mary”. I found it very interesting that he didn’t put any labels on your other two sisters. It didn’t faze me that you were gay, and it didn’t stop me from enjoying our phone conversations for the next two years. The conversations were harmless we discussed your partner of many years, my husband, and the unexpected obstacles that happened while on our life’s journey.

We didn’t meet until March 2003, when you flew down from Massachusetts to celebrate your brother’s 60^th birthday. I have this habit of greeting the people that I treasure with my arms straight out, and a huge grin on my face. That was your very first official encounter with me, do you remember that moment?

We had so much fun that week! I felt I had found my “best friend,” and it was such a wonderful feeling. I enjoyed your humor and your infectious laugh. I also liked it that you enjoyed my company. And, that you didn’t point out my faults as other’s who were in my life at the time were doing. You even invited me to come see Western Massachusetts, the Pioneer Valley area, and all the wonderful things that make it so special.

So you went back to Massachusetts, and your partner of nine years broke up with you because she had found the “love of her life.” You had no place to call home so you moved to Leesburg in the fall of 2003 to live and work for your brother. In October, you changed my entire life with five little words. They were “I’m aching to kiss you.” I’ve never regretted that kiss or any of the upheaval that was caused by the ending of my marriage.

In 2004, we moved to Northampton with our dog, Chloe, and began our lives together as a family. We purchased a home with good “bones” though it needed a lot of work to get to our standards. I wanted a dishwasher, you wanted central air conditioning, and, Chloe wanted a puppy. We all got what we wanted, plus much more.

So here we are - still together and it is now 2014! At the end of this year, we will legally be married in the state of Massachusetts for ten years! Wow!!!

  **So here comes the surprise part that I mentioned earlier**

Dearest Mary,

I’m planning a special service to bless our marriage of ten years at our church, All Saints’ Episcopal, on Sunday, December 28^th at 4:00 p.m. I am inviting friends and family to this very important event in our lives. After the service we are going to have one kick-ass party with catered food, meaning you won’t have to cook! What do you think? Will you join me on December 28th to celebrate our ten years together?

Happy 11th Valentine’s Day, Darling!

Jeeves

Well it is Tuesday night and I’m trying to figure out what to write. As I look around the room, my eyes focus on something. It is a small red plastic chair that just maybe a flexible Barbie could sit in. Now I don’t have a Barbie Doll collection, so why the little red chair? Well…it’s for Jeeves.

Jeeves is my iPhone and he comes with accessories. Come to think about it so does Barbie.  Jeeves comes with his own Bluetooth Jam Classic wireless rechargeable speaker, which looks like a small blue drum and it comes in a container that looks like a jam jar. That is just brilliant marketing. He also has a small platform that he can recline on while recharging, that hooks onto the charger while it’s plugged into a wall outlet. Lately he’s been letting the wireless speaker use it. Jeeves also has a pink stylus. My choice, not his. He would have preferred black. Well, I am the one using it to punch in letters and numbers as the keypad is small and getting smaller. Jeeves has resumed his workouts at the gym and has slimmed way down.

For Christmas, Mary gave me pink and purple stripped knitted gloves with little silver tips. These are for keeping my hands warm while I’m swiping or punching Jeeves’ keys when I’m outside in the cold. Suede gloves just doesn’t cut it on Jeeves smooth surface. On Jeeves’ Christmas list, he had asked for a fur liner for his Otter case. His Otter case is a necessity in case of sudden impact. I drop him a lot. And, let’s be realistic, Barbie may have a fur coat in her collection, but then she’s in a whole different league.

Back to the little red chair…what is that all about? It is a replica of the popular Danish "Egg" chair. Jeeves enjoys getting comfy in it when I’m listening to music on the wireless speaker. The little blue drum makes a great side table! Plus the chair gives him a safe environment to hang out in. I misplace him often since his Otter case is black and blends easily into dark surfaces. With the bright red chair, he’s hard to miss.

Last night Jeeves was trolling on the Internet. See? I’m not the only one! He found the tour of Barbie’s Malibu house on YouTube. He’s now thinking about moving to a warmer climate. Plus he keeps talking about location, location, location. He’s definitely been looking at too many houses on realtor.com.

Well folks, it’s Hump Day. And you know what that means!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWBhP0EQ1lA

Sorry no Flash Back Friday this week because it is Valentine’s Day. Something very special and wonderful will be in its place instead, so definitely check it out.

Until then, cheers!

Trolling the Internet at 1 a.m. -- not a smart move...

Nouvebelle and Bellesse Product Scam

                           

Friday afternoon, while I was trying to handle two forest fires that I was quickly losing control of, (my euphemism for work situations that move from low on the totem pole, to where the entire pole is engulfed in flames), I received a phone call from Fraud Detection which my Credit Union uses to protect its members. It wasn’t clear to me at that point what was happening when I was told there were two suspicious charges on my credit card. The names of the companies mentioned were from charges made back in January, but it seems I was being re-charged. The person suggested I call the company and gave me a number.

When I arrived home, Mary mentioned that the Credit Card Fraud Detection had left a message and gave a case number. Now, when I heard the words “case number” my little antennas started twitching. So I decided to call back and get the whole story since I wasn’t too attentive to the earlier call. Remember, forest fires were blazing wildly when I took that earlier call.

Well, I made the call and things quickly changed from “that’s not a big deal” to “oh shit, hundreds of dollars are being charged on my credit card that I know nothing about”, in a span of less than 60 seconds. As I started to panic the nice voice on the end of the line explained to me what was happening in a very calm soothing voice. She told me her name was Rhonda.

Well, it seems my midnight trolling on the Internet back on January 24th, bit my “credit card wallet” big time. I had found a page about “Nouvebelle” an anti-aging face cream that I could get a “risk free trial” for only the price of shipping ($4.95). The page also suggested getting “Bellesse,” a Vitamin C anti-aging eye serum that worked well with “Nouvebelle.” That sounded awesome to me, since those deep wrinkles around my eyes were growing bigger every morning that I look into the mirror. Oh yes, that too came with a “risk free trial” and the shipping cost of that product was $6.95. Hey, it sounded like a great deal at 1 a.m.

Rhonda, the nice voice on the phone, explained to me that in very small print somewhere on their webpage was a disclaimer explaining that I was joining a membership program in which I would automatically be charged monthly for the company’s products. Now, this would happen through the credit card that I so willingly typed in on the website for the shipping costs of what I thought were “free samples.” 

Yikes! And, the monthly cost for “Bellesse” the anti-aging eye serum is $92.74 a month while the “Nouvebelle” anti-aging cream is $97.83 a month! On top of that, there was another charge on my credit card from a company called “Eyes Awakened” that I never heard of, much less ordered, and they are based in the United Kingdom. The other two are based in New Jersey. 

Rhonda mentioned that it is not unusual for these companies to share credit card information with other similar membership programs. I asked what I could do and Rhonda mentioned several options. I could dispute the charges with the companies involved and also with my credit card company and I could cancel my credit card. She mentioned that the United Kingdom one was going to be a tough nut to crack (not her exact words, mine sound better). She’s right, because if I tell them that Governor Christie is a relative that won’t mean a thing to them but it might to the two companies located in New Jersey!

Somewhere in this phone call I had Rhonda chuckling because I kept saying over and over “Mary, my partner, is going to kill me.” By the way, Mary had warned me that trolling the Internet wasn’t a bright idea. No shit.

Rhoda – Thank you so much for educating me about reading the small print and telling me the options I have available to get out of this mess. You were so patient with me. I promise, no more midnight trolling on the Internet! And, as you can tell, Mary didn’t kill me after all, but she is shaking her head a lot.

I called my credit card company and canceled my card. I agreed to fill out a dispute form regarding the transactions that I didn’t make. I was also told to call the companies to ask if they would reverse the charges made on my card. 

I called the number for the United Kingdom group that I was given earlier in the day, the recorded voice said to have the credit card I placed my purchase with available to give to the customer service representative that would soon come on the line. Are you kidding me??? I hung up.

So last night around 5:30 p.m., I was trying to get up the nerve to call the other two companies. I was waiting for Mary to get back from the store with a bottle of white wine before I called. Well, after enjoying the wine, I decided to wait and call them on Monday. And they most likely would be closed for the weekend anyway, right?

Finally, I called the company with the number that I was given by the Credit Card Fraud and ended up talking to Austin. I told him I didn’t want to pay for either product and he said I would have to return both products to get a refund. I was told that I had to mail each product separately to Healthy Essentials which is located in the United Kingdom. Austin kindly gave me the mailing address for a P.O. Box in West Lothian, United Kingdom. This is where things started looking fishy since both items were mailed to me in one box and they were mailed from within the U.S.

With all this information, I went off to mail them. Here is where it got real tricky. To send my two packages to the United Kingdom by UPS was going to cost about $60 each and, oh by the way, UPS doesn’t deliver to a P.O. Box. Isn’t that convenient? And I’ll bet their marketing department knew about that loop hole. And, if I went through the Postal System, it was less expensive, but I would need to fill out a U.S. Customs Form for each package.

At this point I gave up in sheer frustration. I figured it was a lost cause. Why should I spend a lot of money on postage or try to negotiate filling out Custom Forms, when I didn’t even know if I’d ever get back the $200.57 charged on my credit card? (Actually, I believe this is also part of the company’s marketing strategy). If a person is given a complicated process, she might just give up and not fight for a refund.

I stewed for several hours.  I then looked at that product boxes and I noticed that the two 800 #’s on them were different than the one I was originally given by the Credit Card Fraud department. Also, the one box was labeled manufactured for Nouvebelle Skin Care, 419 Cedar Bridge Ave. Lakewood, NJ. And the other was manufactured for Bellesse at the same address. Yet, I was given the address for the United Kingdom and that company was named Healthy Essentials.

Then I called one of the 800 #s and spoke to Melody who, I found out, was talking to me from Florida. Wow, I’m now dealing with a company with offices in New Jersey, Florida and United Kingdom. That’s impressive. I explained to Melody what Austin had told me and she agreed that sending the two items back to the United Kingdom was my only option to get refunded especially since I kept the products past the 14-day return policy. 

What return policy? She mentioned all of this was in the terms and conditions which I failed to read because I didn’t know there were conditions on a “free risk trial.”  Also, remember I mentioned that the ad for Bellesse said that I only had had to pay for shipping and I would get a 30-day supply? I never saw anything on either webpage that said anything about 14 days.

At this point, I am really annoyed and I start asking Melody to slowly repeat what she had told me because I was trying to write it all down. I explained that I wanted to get all the details so I could write about this experience on my blog. After that comment she put me on hold for several minutes. 

When she came back on the line she offered me a refund of $140. I’m no fool. Well, yes I am, because I got myself into this mess in the first place. I said yes, that I would accept that amount as a refund. Melody informed me that my credit card would get refunded within a week. Several days went by and the $140 was credited to my now closed credit card account. Yippy Skippy!

Lesson learned. Never troll the Internet at 1 a.m. without reading the terms and conditions of whatever items you are purchasing. And anything that says “free risk trial,” tread carefully.

Ah… what price beauty?

Until the next time...

I'm in love with a brown-eyed male, don't tell Mary!

This was originally written in 2008. Fast Eddie, a.k.a. Eddie,  a.k.a. Edward, and when he's totally out of control "Edward Wayne" has slowed down some. We haven't had a major emergency run in years. Doesn't mean that he hasn't gotten scraped up and ended up at the vets, we are talking about Eddie after all. We call him our "frat boy." He's permanently a 19-year old, who lounges on the couch, loves watching football, farts, belches and steals everyone's food. There definitely will be more stories about our crazy out of control Puggle in future postings.

                                    ********************************************

I’ve always been a sucker for males with brown eyes. From the moment I laid eyes on him, this one really got my heart a pounding! His name is Fast Eddie and this is his story.

In December of 2006, Eddie came to us from Ohio, already named, at the young age of nine weeks. He was so adorable as all baby Puggles are. A Puggle is considered a “Designer Dog.” This is when you take two purebred dogs of different breeds, in this case a male Pug and a female Beagle, and the final result was an Eddie! Back when I was a kid, the result of this type of doggie bonding was called a “mutt.” My, how times have changed!

Two days after we picked up Eddie at Bradley Airport in Connecticut, a friend came over for dinner. After just a few minutes of watching him, she announced that he shall be called “Fast Eddie” and the name stuck.

Wherever we took Fast Eddie, especially when he was a puppy, grown men would go crazy over him. They smiled while petting him, and they would wave at Eddie as we went driving around town with his head hanging out the window. Mary suggested that we hire him out to women who were looking for gentle-kind men. He's definitely a guy magnet. The bottom line is wherever Fast Eddie went, people would smile and especially at our local veterinary clinic!

Our vets could easily have afforded major renovtions to their clinic after nine emergency visits in a 23-month period. Yes folks, you heard it here first, nine emergency visits! Whenever we called, the first thing they would say is “how soon can you get him here?” The rare times it wasn't an emergency, they ended up being so relieved because they too had fallen under his spell.

Near where we live is an area called “The Old Hospital Grounds” which was a former state mental hospital. On the trails that wind through the property, depending on the season, one can find joggers, riders on horses, cross-country skiers and folks walking their dogs, mostly off leash. That’s where Chloe, our diva dog, and Eddie run loose to their heart’s content.

The first major emergency visit happened in April of 2007, when he was a little over seven months old. I was in the habit of walking both dogs at the park before I headed to work. It was 6:30 a.m. and I had Fast Eddie off leash (mistake #1 of the morning), when he ran under a bush and immediately started chewing on something. It looked to me like a round circle of branches, but it was too pliable. Then I looked again. Oh no, it was a snake! I couldn’t get near him without him going further into the brush. I was yelling at him to drop it and he just looked at me with those adorable brown eyes. At that point, he folded the circle of snake in half and swallowed it whole! There he sat, so proud of himself with a little tip of the snake’s tail hanging out of his mouth. He then swallowed the tail and promptly did a belch that would have made any man proud!

I panicked. I called the Deerfield Emergency Veterinarian Hospital and explained what was going on. They told me I had a 20-minute window in which to give him a tablespoon of hydrogen peroxide so that he would regurgitate the snake. They also mentioned that I should run him around so that it would shake up the peroxide in his tummy. Personally, I wanted to grip him by his little shoulders and shake him silly. I drove home in record time and poured a tablespoon of peroxide down him. I then let him out back in our yet to be fenced backyard (mistake #2 of the morning), where he ran amuck while I chased him all over the place. During this chase, he ate Chloe’s poop and some day lily stems (which I later found out are extremely poisonous to dogs).

At this point, I was ready to strangle him, but I hauled him in and put him in his dog crate. Within minutes his eyes got really huge and he threw up the snake and the day lilies which were all covered in Chloe's poop! Thank goodness for gallon size zip-lock baggies and paper plates. I used two paper plates and scooped up the entire mess and sealed the paper plates within the baggie. By then, it was close enough to 8 a.m. that I decided to take him to our local vets. When I called in route to warn them of our unexpected visit, the staff could not believe that Fast Eddie had eaten a snake. Remember, this was only the first emergency visit and after a while, nothing surprised them when it came to Fast Eddie and his exploits.

On examining the mess in the zip-lock baggie, (I could so hug the person who invented plastic bags), the vet determined that the snake was frozen. Even though it was April 25th, we had just had a cold snap. This is New England after all! The vet tech washed off the snake so they could identify whether it was poisonous or not. It wasn’t, thank goodness! Also, they wanted to see how long it was, and that required defrosting! I’d like to point out that at the time Eddie measured 17 inches from his neck to his tail. And, the snake measured 18 ½ inches and that was without a head! By the way, the head never showed up.

 Well that was emergency visit number one from our brown-eyed clown. At the time, I didn’t know there would be eight more visits before he would settle down and stay away from things that slither, scurry, and oh yes, fly.

How I Ended Up In Northampton

After I came out in 2003, I decided that Mary and I needed to live somewhere other than Northern Virginia. I wanted to feel safe living my life as a Lesbian. I didn’t come out until I was 49 and this happened while I was living south of the Mason-Dixon line. Not good. Much of the gay community back then kept most of their social activities underground because there were many people in the surrounding communities who were not gay-friendly at all.

Mary had previously lived near Northampton and knew that it was an open-minded liberal community. And, it helped that approximately 60% of the population was made up of women. So I decided on my own that we would move to Northampton with our one dog, live in a ranch-style home with a washer and dryer on the main level, and, that I would be employed by Smith College. Oh yes, I forgot to mention that our house had to be located within a five-mile radius of the school. Well it took 22 months to accomplish my goals but I did.

Well, we live in tiny cute ranch with a washer and dryer on the main level. The house is 3.2 miles from Smith. And, I am now in my ninth year as a Smith employee. The one thing that did change is we now have three dogs and that was not in my original plan.

Back when I was going to the University of Nebraska as a nineteen year old, if someone had told me I would end up in Western Massachusetts with a woman who would become my wife and being ruled by three dogs, I would have thought they were crazy. 

Look for my next posting, coming Wednesday morning, February 5^th. Until then, cheers!