I Miss You Sweet Girl

It has been two weeks since Chloe died and went over the Rainbow Bridge to run with Chancey who went there 3 months before she did. We didn’t want to make that decision, but her health had deteriorated so much, and she could barely walk. This is my letter to her.

My Dearest Chloe,

Today is Halloween, and for the past 13 years we have dressed you up as a pumpkin. This is why I always called you "Pumpkin." Today, we dressed Fast Eddie up in your costume to continue the tradition.

I miss you. You always greeted me at the door with your tail wagging and making your happy little yipping sounds. I miss that. You loved getting your daily lump of cream cheese. Did you know that is where we hid your pills?

I remember one winter you were lying on your hammock in the backyard and it was snowing. I looked out and all I saw was a large lump of snow. And, the reason I knew it was you was your nose was sticking out! You also loved making doggie snow angels. You’d flop down on your back and wiggle like crazy!

Since you were a puppy, we always gave you little pieces of food while we were eating our dinners, (which all the doggie books say not to do). You loved meat and hated vegetables. And, like your mommy, you craved whipped cream! As soon as I started shaking the container, you would appear!

Over the years, you had a few favorite toys that you carried around in your mouth. For many years, it was a toy shaped like a lamb. We purchased many over the years and would quietly replaced them as they got worn. When we ran out of lambs, we found Lambchop and purchased several of those. The last one you played with is on the shelf sitting next to your collar and the box that holds you now.

You, my little diva, had two dog beds. One in the bedroom and one in the living room. The beds are gone now. The living room feels cavernous. I so long for you to be here so I can lean over to pet you and tell you what a gorgeous girl you are. 

One thing I always told you was that you were my girl and you would be my only one. That is a promise I plan to keep. I miss you so much and my heart has a large piece missing. Baby girl, enjoy the freedom to run again. And, enjoy looking for those squirrels!

With all my love,
Mommy Sharon

This is the story about how Chloe came into our lives and I thought you might enjoy knowing more about her.

Chloe is our dog and we are her servants. She is a bit peeved that it has taken so long to get her own blog posting. She is a diva dog. She came into our lives in May of 2004 when she was seven months old. She and her brother had been abandoned in a rural area in Northern Virginia.

Our intent, that Saturday when we went to the Animal Shelter, was just to look at dogs. We were living in an apartment at the time and wanted to wait until we had a house with a fenced yard.

When we finished with the front part of the shelter, Mary went to hunt down the ladies’ room. I have limited patience, so I went ahead into the area where the dogs were kept. I started walking down the line of cages and I made it to the fourth one. And there she was, our dog – who was named Kisses.

Who would name a dog Kisses? Really? Can you see yourself calling out to your dog at the dog park “Here Kisses” or “Kisses stop that right now." Well not I.  I’m getting ahead of myself here. We had not even adopted her, and I already wanted to change her name.

Kisses had her nose right up to the chain link and she looked up at me with an expression on her face of “What took you so long to find me?” I was a goner at that point. When Mary showed up, I informed her I had found our dog.

We took her into a side room where we had the opportunity to meet her. She was very hesitant and tried to hide under one of the chairs but her cute little butt stuck out because she was too big to fit under it.

The staff member told us her story. She and her brother had been sighted many times in a rural farming area. On their first attempt, they were able to capture him but not her. A few days later they got her and at this point she was close to becoming feral.

Poor baby. She was covered in fleas and ticks. She had to be washed and sprayed several times. The flea spray that was used was quite harsh and her skin became quite inflamed. (Once we got her, we learned the wonders of Emu Oil.) She wasn’t made available to be shown to the public for several days. By then, her brother had been adopted.

The way it worked at this shelter was once you made your choice, your dog had to be spayed or neutered before going home. There were local veterinarians that did the procedure at their respective vet clinics. We patiently waited for the call to come pick her up.

She was so scared when we saw her. She was recovering from major surgery and then people she was not familiar with, were calling her “Chloe.”  Before we left the clinic, we were given some information about her that we had not expected. When they shaved her in preparation for the surgery, they found a rope burn encircling her entire hip area. They also found a pocket of skin on her side that contained buck shot that had already healed over. Who in the hell would shoot a puppy? We will never know the circumstances as to why this happened.

Our plans were to keep her in a dog crate in the apartment. That thought lasted about an hour. We had stepped out of the apartment and when we returned, we found that Chloe had bent part of her crate in the process of breaking out. What to do now? Luckily there was a doggie day care center within minutes of our apartment! They were wonderful to her there and she loved spending her days with other dogs.

About six months later, we were planning a move from Virginia to Massachusetts. We wanted Chloe to see her brother one more time, if possible, before we left the area. We contacted the staff at the animal shelter, who were kind enough to send our contact information on to her brother’s new owners. They contacted us and we agreed that a playdate was in order.

We made the arrangements to meet at a baseball park near their home. Until the day I die, I will always have this memory in my mind: her brother was already running around the bases when we showed up. They made eye contact and Chloe ran towards him. They started running side by side around the park. They had such happy expressions on their faces. They remembered each other!

Years have gone by and Chloe will turn 14 in November. She has slowed down quite a bit and running is no longer an option for her. But, I will always remember the day that she ran freely with her brother. What a beautiful memory!

Until next time…

Ex-husband #2 - Happy Birthday

Dear Ex-husband #2,

Happy Birthday. You just turned 58. I met you when you were 22 and I was 28. A lot has happened since then.

I remember when you had your 25^th birthday. I hosted a surprise party for you. I invited all your classmates from your Master’s Program. I purchased food, drinks and party favors and I kept them at David and Karen’s apartment so you wouldn’t find them.  

My big mistake and the reason you never appreciated the party was the birthday cake. When I had ordered our wedding cake earlier that year, I had looked over what was available. I saw this cake shaped like a busty woman and thought it would make a funny birthday cake. I was wrong. You felt I had humiliated you in front of your friends. Remember that?

Some of the reasons you gave for the difficulties within our marriage, was that I was six years older and had more experiences than you had growing up in a small down in Ohio. This was true. I knew how to drive a manual transmission and I married the same guy twice.

You were horrified that your classmates would find out that piece of information. You wanted me to lie to everyone that my marriage to you was my first. Like after our marriage of 11 years, you told others that you had never been married.

Toward the end of our marriage, we saw a therapist who sided with you and made me out to be the bad one in our relationship. You sighted my various faults: my age; the way I conducted myself in front of your colleagues; and that I had dated many men, prior to you. The biggie which I did own up to, was my having an affair with a co-worker toward the end of our marriage.

Starting at year three of our relationship, I started saying that we should consider the idea of not staying married, due to the fact we were not compatible in so many ways. Through the years, whenever I would bring this up, you would always say it was because I was having my period. Really???

For me, it came down to money. We didn’t have a lot but what I earned wouldn’t have gotten me a room in the Washington, D.C. area. I made do with our circumstances and I kept on going for years. We had our good moments, but there were many that did not go well for me.

Such as:

·      Within days of our buying our first home, a duplex at the end of the Metro’s Yellow Line, you made the decision to move to California. There was a well-known architect that you wanted to intern for. Since you would be making a pittance, I was to stay behind and pay all our bills while you took our only car to make the trip. How I talked you out of that endeavor, I will never know.

·       When we were in that park off the Washington Parkway and were walking on a path that was overgrown with bushes. You were in the lead. When you heard barking dogs rushing toward us, you pushed me forward to protect yourself.

·       When I went to find the bathroom in the Burger King near the White House and I came back to find you surrounded by three men demanding money. You left it to me to get us out of that situation.

·       You felt that to represent your profession, you had to dress the part. This required expensive suits, ties and Cole Hann shoes. We managed these purchases because I limited my shopping of anything personal for myself.

·      We were riding the Metro into D.C. one day when you saw a group of your colleagues get on the train. You got up without an explanation and walked over to chat. You all exited together and you walked past where I was seated and I tapped on the window. You never acknowledged my existence.

Of course, these moments I experienced are the ones you chose not to mention to our therapist. But then neither did I. By then, I was too beaten down to defend myself. I should have spoken up and been my own advocate. I felt trapped and didn’t know how to get out of the relationship. I always knew the one thing that would end our relationship was to have an affair, which I did.

One of my biggest fears of being in a marriage, was being abandoned without the ability to financially take care of myself. That was my mother’s reasoning when she thought about leaving my father when I was five and so she didn’t. So early on in my relationship with you, I broached the subject about my fear of your leaving me for someone else. We agreed that if that happened, whoever had an affair would not benefit from the lifestyle we had created. What I never considered when I made that promise, that I would be the one to have the affair. You reminded me of that conversation and told me that I should do the honorable thing.

After 13 years of being in a relationship with you, I ended up leaving everything behind. I left with $100.  As you are aware, my mother financially helped me out or I would have been living in a homeless shelter or worse, on the streets. On second thought, that $100 gave me the freedom to move on with my life.

I know that you have moved on and have remarried just like I did. I hope you have given her all the things that you did not deem necessary for me to have.

Sincerely,

Your ex-wife #1

Are You Ready?

If you were in Puerto Rico right now, would you be able to survive until help came from the U.S.? Well, from seeing the Nightly News, help has been extremely slow in getting to them. Trump mentioned that Puerto Rico was out in a middle of an ocean and is so difficult to get to. Really???

I recently saw a clip of a young woman from Brooklyn who has lived on the island for the past four years. She was beside herself because her family back in the States didn’t know her status. The reporter gave her a satellite phone so she could talk to them. She also mentioned to the reporter that the ATM machines were down and she couldn’t access her funds and she had no money. He reached into his pocket and gave her some cash. She had a shocked look on her face, and then she hugged him with tears flowing down her face.

She wasn’t the only one crying at that point. I was crying in happiness for her and, also in fear for myself. I don’t know what I would do if I were in that situation. I use my ATM card all the time. I rarely have cash on me. We have food on the shelves, but it would require an oven or at least a microwave to cook.

We, as a country, have so many blessings that we take for granted every single day. I sleep in a bed with a roof over my head and running water to cook and shower. I have a car that I am able put gas in without waiting in line for hours. I have access to wi-fi and my iPhone. What would I do if some morning I woke up, and all of that was gone?

I can’t even imagine what that would be like. But it has already happened in Texas, Florida, Puerto Rico and to folks who lost their homes to forest fires out West. But what would it be like if this devastation happened to all the lower 48 states in one day?

Well folks, between North Korea and Mother Nature on a rampage (Climate Change), the possibility is very real. When people lose all their basic necessities that they have grown accustomed to, this kind of disaster can bring out the less than noble selves. One would go to any lengths to find food and shelter to get what is needed to survive.

You may say “I would never stoop to that level” but food and shelter are basics that everyone needs and yes, without these, I would bet you would do whatever you needed to.

What do we do? Build bomb shelters? Move to Iceland? Purchase a Catamaran? Personally, I want a RV that has all the accessories to comfortably live off the grid, meaning solar panels, compost toilet, and a large stash of food and water.

What would you do? Think about all your options. The world we live in and take for granted is getting closer to the edge, every single day that Trump is in office.

Until the next time…