Many years ago, there was an incident
in my life that changed the way I view and handle the simple act of hugging. I
had just come out and Mary and I were visiting her sister and family for
Thanksgiving. We were so thrilled to be celebrating the holiday with her family
that we hugged a few times during the afternoon.
Mary’s sister saw this act of
hugging as being very intimate and that it should not have been witnessed by
family members. At the time of this incident she didn’t inform us of her
feelings.
Fast forward to four years later when
Mary’s nephew was graduating from high school. Mary wanted to go to his
graduation party. Mary’s sister informed her that the two of us were not
invited because of the hugging incident of four years earlier. She
intimated that we were too physical with each other which wasn’t appropriate
behavior.
Mary was heartbroken. She adored her nephew and had always
participated in events in his life. Her sister would not relent, and Mary never
had a chance to participate in the celebrations for his graduation from high
school or college.
How sad. How narrow minded some people
are. Unfortunately, I didn’t handle it well. Hence, I was banned from going
anywhere near their home. It ended up Mary wouldn’t go to family events unless
I could come along as well.
Over the year’s Mary’s great
nieces and nephews were born, most of whom she has never seen, and many family
holidays occurred that Mary didn’t have the opportunity to attend. It breaks my
heart that something as innocent in our mind (hugging) would cause a great
divide that affected so many people in Mary’s family.
To this day whenever I start to hug someone
I ask for permission. I am afraid that people will misunderstand my intentions
of what one of my hugs mean. That is not the way that hugs were meant to be
given out. They are meant to be spontaneous, friendly and a joyful act of
showing someone a warm gesture.
Until next time…
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