More Gifts from Annie

Yesterday was Annie’s service. It rained most of yesterday and during the service. Mary said that her Mother believed that when it rains at a funeral that it is “tears from heaven.” It definitely felt that way. I came early to get a spot and it was a good thing that I did. The place was packed! It was standing room only. Another testament to what an amazing woman Annie was.

The service was lovely. There were cut flowers from Annie’s garden. Ozzie’s parents from Istanbul both spoke while Ozzie translated. Even though Ozzie’s mother was speaking in her native tongue you could hear the anguish in her voice. Annie’s amazing 10-year old daughter spoke ”If you see me walking around and wondering why I’m not crying, it’s because she will always be with me, and she’s not gone, her love is in everyone of you.” I definitely see a potential Smithie in Zeytin!

The service ended with a recording of Annie singing a song she entitled “Sweet Dreams for Ozzie” which can be found out on YouTube. Once she finished singing there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.

I experienced Annie’s presence in several ways yesterday. It all started in the morning. I decided to go to the Dog Park with Mary and our three dogs. I haven’t been to the park in well over a year due to health issues. I almost bowed out right before leaving but something told me to go. While we were there Mary and I met a lovely woman and her dog. This happens a lot at the park complete strangers will stop and chat. We had a lovely conversation and I was sad to see her go because there was something there and I knew I would never run into that woman again.

Wrong. Who do I see sitting two rows in front of me? Yes, it was her! After the service I went up to her and she was surprised to see me. I asked her how she knew Annie. She said they had worked together at Smith. I said I work there too! We then introduced ourselves and had a lovely chat. I hope I made a new friend yesterday and if I did - I have Annie to thank.

During the service someone mentioned that Annie loved getting coffee from Woodstar. Woodstar is a lovely coffee and bakery shop here in downtown Northampton. For me it is the only coffee shop in town where I can thoroughly enjoy a cup of good coffee. After the service I called Mary and said, “Meet me at Woodstar.” I explained I wanted to celebrate Annie’s life by toasting her even if it was with a large single-shot decaf latte! We clanked our cups and looked up into the heavens and wished her well.

We were sitting there and I was telling Mary all about the service. She stopped me and pointed to a figure behind me. It was Ozzie! He too came in Annie’s memory. We both hugged him. He thanked me for coming to the service. And, I mentioned that I had written a story called “Good-bye Annie” in my blog. Annie definitely had her hand in giving me more gifts to remember her by yesterday.

Thank you, Annie.

Good-bye Annie

Annie died Monday night, September 29, 2014, after losing her battle to ovarian cancer. She was only 41-years old, and the mother of a nine-year old and five-year old. She also left behind her husband of 22 years, Ozzie.

I knew Annie through Smith where she and I both worked. Also, I had met her husband, Ozzie, through a weekend job I held at a local Real Estate office where Ozzie was an agent. I never had the privilege to know her well or call her my friend. I first heard of her illness only a few months ago by a mutual friend.

Since then I have been following her through Facebook. I read an amazing interview she gave to Ayse Arman, a journalist from Istanbul. One of Ayse's questions to Annie was “How do you manage to be so strong?” Annie’s reply: “Do I have a choice? Maybe I won’t be alive in a couple of weeks. Actually, there is no maybe: I just won’t be alive. But I am alive today. And life is still beautiful, and so are my kids. One of them is 5, the other one is 9. I am trying to make the best of my last days with my kids and my husband Özgür. I’ve lived beautifully and I am dying beautifully. Hiding your head in the sand is not the solution. You have to face it, even if it’s death...”

“I’ve lived beautifully and I am dying beautifully.” What a statement. After reading this article I marveled at how accepting and together she was. She didn’t hide from the fact she was dying instead she gave death a run for its money. If I was told I was dying I’d either be yelling “why” or sucking my thumb in a corner. Not Annie.

She made videos, wrote letters and had quilts made for both of her children from clothing she had. She wrote a song for Ozzie. She planned a future for her family. What a brave wise woman.

Ayse also asked Annie if someone told you: “You have this much time left! What’s that like? What do people feel when they hear it?" Annie's reply: “Of course, it’s hard. It’s difficult to accept. However, I’ve always been an open person and I would want people to be open with me. I am a person who lives openly and I am dying openly. I wasn’t shocked. I didn’t experience a tantrum. I am not mourning. But I am sad. We are still so much in love with one another. I won’t be able to experience this love. I won’t be the mother of my children anymore (She cries). However, there is nothing else that I can do aside from accept it.”

Ayse's final question to Annie "Is there something called “dying beautifully?” Annie: There is, it’s me. 

She left a song she sung for Ozzie who found it after her death. Go out to YouTube and search for “Sweet Dreams for Ozzie.” One of these days when I’m down or blue I plan to listen to Annie sing it again. And, then I will pick myself up and march forward with my head held high. Thank you, Annie for giving me that gift.

My Hair

It's Friday! This was originally posted on August 28, 2008.  By the way, I changed my hair style three times in 2013. That might be a record high for me !

Until next time, enjoy!

                               

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Ex-husband #2, while he was married to me, felt that it was his mission in life to continue Mother’s legacy regarding my hair and its imperfections. In the dozen years we were together, I had more than that amount of different hairstyles and not all were my choice. It was never curly or wavy enough nor was it ever long enough to suit his tastes.

One of his favorite choices made me look like a poodle! It was extremely curly on top and straight on the sides. Yuck! One time I tried one of those zigzag hair bands. I showed up to pick him up and in front of his colleagues he said, “What did you do to your hair?” Absolutely nothing, thank you. You could tell by his inflection that I hadn't towed the line as was expected of me.

In my experience with the dynamics of a relationship, I've noticed that when a relationship is doing badly, one will withhold what the other so desperately wants. In our case, one of the many things he wanted me to have (the list was endless) was long hair and I just kept cutting it. Ear length, chin length, whatever, as soon as it started growing I had it chopped off. When we separated, I started growing my hair and by the time our divorce was final it had grown out nicely.Yes, he did comment on it. By the way, his favorite hairstyles were the ones that required hours of effort on my part, electric curlers every morning, hair products and a body wave every three months.

Now for reasons that are unclear to me, I've longed to be a redhead for years. I had several hair stylists tell me that I had the skin coloring and eyes to carry it off. Well… for my 43rd birthday, I had my hair color professionally changed. I loved it! I spent 11 years as a redhead and most of the time, folks thought it was my natural color. Even my GYN thought so and she should have known!

All good things come to an end. In the fall of 2007, I started reading articles about how “gray” is the new color for woman in their fifties. I decided I’d go to my natural hair color, whatever that was, with a lot of natural gray as highlights. So I went to my favorite hair stylist of the moment. By the way, in the four years that I've lived in Northampton, I have gone through six hair guru’s before I found my present one! I was never happy with the coloring job, or the hair cut or whatever. Because I never do anything half-way, I decided that I didn't want to go through the process of growing out the color. So she used a number 4 electric razor blade on my hair. Yep, not quite a cue ball, but close.

The majority of folks in Northampton and at Smith College liked it. They marveled at what a nice shaped head I have. That was a big gamble I took, because really who knows what kind of shaped head one has until you have no hair to hide under any longer. The ones who didn't like my new look either said so, or just ignored the fact that there were babies out there that had more hair than I did.

Ironic isn't it? Fifty-two years after my mother shaved my head, I go do it. The difference this time was that it was my choice. It wasn't forced onto me by someone else's desire for perfection.

The Dogs in my Life!

This was written in November, 2012, and not much has changed. All three dogs still run our lives which we are very thankful for. Fast Eddie's mantra "Dogs Rule!!!"

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Good Morning! This morning’s subject is about the three dogs that own Mary and I. They are Chloe, a Eurasier, Fast Eddie, a Puggle and Chancey, a Scottish Terrier. 

The morning routine for them goes like this. When getting them up in the morning, Fast Eddie is a slug and has to be pushed off the bed while the other two cooperate without problems. They all need their collars put on and for the boys harnesses as well. One of us has to chase Fast Eddie through the house to corner him to get his collar and harness on. Then there is getting them out the door and into the car. Fast Eddie must be put on a leash or he takes off and he doesn’t come back in a timely fashion. The other two know to just climb into the car. Then Mary takes them to a park near our home for a 30-minute walk. 

Once they come home they might need to be washed off depending on what muck they got into. Fast Eddie and Chloe both love rolling around where there is deer poop! Then once in the house feeding time begins. The whole time it takes me to prepare their breakfast, Fast Eddie is sitting under the kitchen table making a sound that sounds like steam coming out of a radiator because he's anxiously waiting for his meal. 

Ok, the food bowls are ready to go down on the floor! Fast Eddie’s goes down first on the kitchen floor. Chancey’s eats in the living and Chloe eats in the guest bedroom. This entire food arrangement is to keep Fast Eddie from eating their food as well, which is another whole story in itself. Meaning I’m running from one area to another to make sure that Fast Eddie behaves himself. 

Chancey is now done eating and needs to go out for his after meal jaunt in the front yard. Fast Eddie likes to follow to see if Chancey does a poop. I won’t even begin to tell you what Fast Eddie does with that! 

Now it is time for me to get ready for work and I have already spent too much time on the dogs. Oh yes, as I leave the house each dog has to have their individual blankets draped over them and they are each given a treat. I tell them “I’ll see you in a little while” which means I’m returning home at noon time to let them out, give them treats, cover them up again etc. etc. This is just a glimpse into how the two adult are wrapped around the paws of their three dogs! 

The Ant Invasion – Part 2

Friday, June 6^th – Many dead bodies later, a glass of wine and a visit from my wonderful “pest guy” and the herd has quieted down. Kevin did a major spray outside and down in the basement last night. They are still popping up here and there but he said that is expected.

He even sprayed the Oak tree by the study window and it may be the cause of the invasion. Some of its branches are resting on the house. I made an appointment for next Tuesday, no more oak tree, bye bye. The tree is in bad shape anyway. 

Kevin even sprayed the electrical, phone/TV cable wires coming into the house. It seems that is one of the many niffy ways for ants to come in to your home. Of course, they must climb the telephone pole which must take hours and hours before they hit the wire. High wire aerial act, would you ever have thought?

Saturday, June 7^th – News Bulletin: More reasons why I hate ants. I found one crawling up the side of my Mr. Coffee machine. Another was calmly walking across our check book on the kitchen table. ENOUGH!!!

Sunday, June 8^th – Still killing the suckers, go away NOW.

Monday, June 9^th – Every time I go into the study to work another pesky ant shows up. Yuck – I just killed another one. They are much easier to catch as they are moving slower and seem sluggish, so hopefully the spray is kicking their little old butts.

Wednesday, June 11th, will be the one-week anniversary of the invasion. By the two-week anniversary may this whole ordeal be just a distant memory.

Chancey's Obsessions

This wonderful story was written in December, 2008. I posted it earlier this year but very few people read the post so I decided to post it again. Some of you know that Chancey has a rare form of skin cancer and is Stage 5. With that said, he's a happy little character and enjoying life. Go Chancey go!!!

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Chancey, is the latest addition to our four-legged fur family. I dog-napped him this past summer while visiting a friend down in New London, Connecticut. She was dog-sitting him for a week while his family was on a business trip. They didn’t want him in the first place but their daughter did and then she moved to California and left Chancey behind. 

At the age of two: Chancey hated being walked so he pulled a great deal; he also had a great hostility of anything with wheels on it so he would charge at it while barking at the top of his lungs; he didn’t know any basic dog commands (sit, stay and do doggie commercials and bring home the mega bucks) nor was he potty trained. With that said, I wanted a better life for him. So I brought him home. Which then made him dog number three in a tiny house (1097 sq. feet) on a heavily-trafficked state road with no fenced-in yard. What was I thinking?

Episode #1 - I learned quickly that I was in way over my head having three dogs.The first hint happened when I took all three of them to the local dog park. I had Chancey on a leash but he was pulling so hard I let him off, which was a very stupid move on my part. Everything was fine until we met up with several groups of dogs. With all the doggie greetings involved, (barking, sniffing butts and a little bit of growing) he walked off with another group. By the time I got my wits about me and had the other two dogs under my control, I realized that I was missing the newest addition. Yikes! I walked around yelling for him but had no luck. I took Chloe and Fast Eddie back to the Jeep and went searching for him.

I was running around asking other dog owners walking their dogs if they had seen him. No luck! Finally, a woman with her own three dogs shows up with Chancey in tow. Yeah!!

Episode #2 – I didn’t have a tight hold on him while transporting him from the Jeep onto the kitchen porch. He quickly took off and headed East on Rt. 66 while running down the road using the double-yellow lines as his guide. With four knee surgeries, it is hard for me to move quickly much less run but run I did, and I scooped him up.

Episode #3 – We are back at the park and I’ve now learned to keep him on leash and use the Gentle Leader that a friend had given us. It was just the ticket when it came to keeping him from pulling and under control. We finished our morning walk and headed back to the Jeep. Both Fast Eddie and Chancey needed help getting up into the back. Then it was Chancey’s turn. My big mistake was removing the leash before lifting him up into the Jeep. He took off. I went after him leaving Chloe who jumped out of the Jeep with a fellow dog walker while Eddie was left in the Jeep. Right next to the parking lot is a large community garden which was in full bloom. Well, I couldn’t see him because he has such a low profile. His legs are only six inches long. He evidently returned to the parking lot where we re-united.

Episode #4 – A friend of ours came over for dinner this past fall. We were using a baby gate out on the kitchen porch to keep the dogs contained. In letting our friend onto the porch I created a small opening that Chancey used for his escape. I’m screaming for him to stop while I’m doing my version of jogging to catch up with him. Off he goes, again heading East following the double-yellow lines again! Now he’s a little black dog and with the light fading, it was hard for me to see him much less for the on-coming drivers. Of course, a woman waving her arms does slow traffic down a bit. The first driver stopped but the truck behind her moved around her and was heading directly toward Chancey and the driver didn’t see him. At this point, I felt something moving quickly pass me. It was Mary madly running. She hadn't had any knee surgeries like I've had so she’s still able to sprint. She had heard my screams from the house and knew it had to do with one of the dogs. She finally caught up with Chancey before the truck ran over him!

Episode #5 –Mary and Lisa had just gone shopping for our Christmas dinner and were unloading the groceries with Chancey jumping up and down on the porch. He was so excited that they had come home. Seeing the opportunity to make a run for it, he did. Both Mary and Lisa ran yelling and screaming after him as he again headed East on the double-yellow lines. This time is was light enough out for traffic to see him. Traffic came to an abrupt halt. Coming from the East was a large truck, the driver made a quick decision and turned his vehicle so it blocked the road. And, a pick-up truck coming from the West stopped traffic from that direction. Yeah, another possible disaster averted!

We’ve come to the conclusion that Chancey thinks he’s “Toto from the Wizard of Oz.” He is a terrier just like Toto was. He does hail from Kansas and he is obviously searching for that elusive yellow-brick road like so many of us are!

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P.S. Even after all these years of living with us, when Chancey has the opportunity to escape he will, and he always heads East using the double-yellow lines as his guide. Old behaviors are hard to break. Boy, am I a prime example of that!

The Ant Invasion

I hate all types of insects but today my hatred is aimed at ants. This morning there was an invasion of ants in the kitchen. I’d kill one and there was his replacement marching around. I stopped counting at 11. These guys were fighters. I had to really put pressure to the point where I heard the crunch sound. Yuck! They are on the large side of the scale, not carpenter ant size, thank goodness, but close. OMG – I just killed one on the wall next to the computer in the study (which is not near the kitchen). What the hell? Just killed a second one!!!

I’ve been to the local hardware store this morning and purchased spray that is safe for humans/pets but kills a variety of insects including ants. Which makes no sense to me how can it kill and still be safe???

I wonder as I spray and create a barrier if I’m just moving then to other sections of the house? Mary just called and said use vinegar and water in spray bottle instead. Easy for her to offer that suggestion, she is not being surrounded by them.

I’m exhausted and the battle isn’t close to being over.  I’ve called our “pest guy” several times but he’s not returning my calls. I hope he isn’t on vacation. If that is the case, I think he should have a backup person covering his calls just like doctors and dentists do.

I want to move where there aren’t insects, is there even such a place?