What is Forgiveness & What is Trust?

Forgive – to cease to feel resentment

Trust – assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

*********************************

Many years ago there was an incident that resulted in the two of us not being allowed to participate in any of Mary’s family gatherings. Being told that we couldn’t attend any events, made me a raging bitch because of how devastated Mary was. Due to my behavior, her family felt they had made the right decision.

Over the past several years, Mary has slowly rebuilt communications with her family. I have been very outspoken about my feelings on her mission to rebuild relations with them. I went from being appalled in her attempts to mend fences, to accepting that this is what Mary needs. Being an only child, I have no understanding of the desire to remain in contact with family or friends who have hurt you.

For years, Mary has told me that I should get over my anger and forgive those individuals involved. I have not been receptive to her advice. And, here’s why.

Due to my own long-running history, I have developed a serious trust issue with people that I’ve dealt with over the years. For example; friends, co-workers, health insurance companies, government and state agencies, and even the random stranger appearing out of nowhere, wanting to berate me.

The other day I was speaking to a friend about Mary’s wish that I forgive members of her family. The trust word came up and I had an epiphany. I could forgive them, but could I trust them? Could I ever get over the feeling that given the opportunity, they would throw me under a bus or stab me in the back? And, I felt I couldn’t.

That is until I went to a recent church service. The second reading from Galatians 5:1, 13-25 made me think about the situation I had created. “For the whole law is summed up in a single commandment, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ If, however, you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another.”

I have found that forgiveness is necessary for me to move on and to continue my life journey. How I will forgive is now the question. 

Do I go directly to these individuals? Or do I write down my forgiveness, burn the paper, and send it out to the universe? 

Until the next time…